He said it soundedlike I might have gender dysphoria. I fuckin' walked out. I'm not a [SlurRedacted], I'm a man!DAY 34Felt like shit again. Dr. [Name Redacted] called, and I set up anotherappointment. Maybe he's right. I've been looking online and the symptomsfit.DAY 35Second appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. I think he's right. I'vespent so long trying to prove myself, scared of what I think I alwaysknew, deep down. I've been playing a part, trying to be what I think aman is supposed to be, but it's always felt false, I understand that now.I'm ready to start accepting who I really am.DAY 36I bought my first tube of lipstick today. The cosmetics aisle was sobright, and I had to wait until there wasn't anyone around. My heart wasbeating so hard I could hear it. I felt like I was trying to rob a bank.I had to use the self-checkout, and I kept worrying that someone wouldsee me with it. What would I say? But it was so thrilling to own it, likethe first day I shaved my legs. I tried. The man looked up, he leaned over and looked down the aisle. He then stood up to try and help. This time I really did not want help, but too late. He had stooped down grabbing some boxes, unfortunately, they happened to be a vibrating cock ring, a Butterfly strap-on and remote controlled egg. He dropped them, picked them up again blushed crimson and handed them back to me. I smiled in resignation, could this day get any worse? Having seen him close up, he was handsome, athletic with an elegant style. He glanced at me, and I quickly looked away. Shit! Was I staring at him? What does he think of me, some drenched lunatic with sex toys? I could not help but to look again, he is hot, I thought, very hot. I looked away again wondering what was happening, I had never been with any man except my husband and here I was looking at a stranger on the bus. What a day. I realized miles were being eaten up and if I had any chance of getting into dry clothes it had to be soon. I glanced around.
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